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Many people refer to their books as a ‘must read’ type of books. But for me, my second book was a ‘must write’ book. I am saying ‘my second book’ because I wrote a book before and completely destroyed it after it was finished. Why? Because the book scared me. I have never thought I could write something so… dark. The truth is, writing could uncover the secrets of your soul, your deepest fears. And you better be ready for it.

My second book idea came to me in a dream. The book’s title started playing on my mind before I even decided what the narrative should be about. The thought of the story wouldn’t leave me alone. It followed me like an unspoken ghost, writing itself in my mind. And this time, I put my fears and insecurities aside and started writing again. Slowly.

There are only a limited number of hours in a day, and there are many things to do. So finding time to squeeze writing into my daily schedule wasn’t easy. I could only write at night – the only time when my house goes quiet. But I have always loved to create when everyone is asleep. It makes me feel like it is only me who is awake in the whole world, and I can finally let go. Because no one is watching.

Almost three years later, my book is finished. Is it good? I honestly don’t know. Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I hate it. But this time, I am not going to destroy it. Because this is the story that had to be written. And maybe because I had to write it, someone out there might need to read it. Even if it is just one person, perhaps they could find solace in my words. And that for me is good enough. And with this mindset, I am letting my second book see the light of day. Soon.

No, I am not a professional writer. I would be more of a poet, if I had to define my creative style. Writing a book requires tons of determination. If you only rely on the sparks of short-lived inspiration, it will not be enough to complete the book. English is not my first language, and I have never even booked a single writing course. But I was just writing. My thoughts, my ideas, my heartache… everything was pouring out of me. And it felt good to be free on paper. To allow myself to explore provocative ideas, unusual thoughts, hopes and fears. Because in our modern lives, we are not used to sharing our deepest emotions and being completely honest. Even with ourselves.

When the book was semi-finished I allowed myself to look at it critically. So many parts had to be adjusted many times over. I hired a structural editor who helped me fix some chapters. And I recently worked with a professional editor to clean the text and prepare the final draft for publishing.

Endless editing was the hardest thing I have done in a while, but I learnt so much during this process. I enjoyed challenging myself, putting my vulnerability on the spot and sharing my imperfect writing. And I met amazing people who sometimes believed in me more than I believed in myself. People who were willing to advise and help me. The extraordinary people WHO GOT ME. Isn’t it just magical?

Writing a book surpassed my expectations in every possible way: it was harder than I thought and more rewarding than I thought. My book became a journey of self-discovery. And what a journey it was! And is. But the best part is that it is only the beginning!

Love,
Nemetra